Wolfaboos Incorporated
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Doctor Animo and Kai Green have a fight over who loves Benwoofs more. Guess who wins! That's right...nobody.


I don't own anything from Ben 10. They only like him because he's a wolf.

Doctor Animo, nefarious mad scientist, and all around persistent bad seed, and fun loving psycho, probably, wandered the streets of Bellwood aimlessly, wondering why he was wandering the streets of Bellwood aimlessly. He came to the conclusion that he was put there by the author for a reason, so he'd better make one up to seem useful, and not trivial, and random. He saw a ladybug in a bush as he passed by. He jumped at it.

"I shall catch you, and make you into a giant mutant! Then I, DOCTOR ANIMO, shall lead you into battle against my enemies! Mostly Ben Tennyson, but he's got some stupid annoying family members I hate as well," Doctor Animo said. He threw the captured ladybug into the air, and aimed his Transmodulator at it. He fired. The ladybug, unfortunately, was incinerated by too much concentrated high energy levels. Doctor Animo frowned. "Whoops. Maybe I'll use something bigger and more durable."

He wandered to a tree. There, he located a cute little chipmunk. He turned down the power controls on his Transmodulator, just in case, before preparing to fire.

"You, shall be my newest creation! Prepare to become as awesome as me, DOCTOR ANIMO!" he yelled. He fired.

The chipmunk exploded.

"Damn it! I need to adjust this thing," Doctor Animo complained, before taking off his helmet.

Suddenly, Kai Green and Ben Tennyson appeared.

"Turn into Benwolf," Kai begged.

"No, I don't wanna," Ben responded.

"Please?" Kai begged again.

"No! He's not even cool, why does everyone like him so much?" Ben ranted.

"Wolves are the best animals," Kai said to him.

"No they're not. Tigers are," Ben said.

"No, wolves!"

"Tigers."

"Wolves!"

"Tigers!"

"WOLVES!"

"TIGERS!"

"You're both idiots, because FROGS are the best animal," interrupted Doctor ANIMO, as he came bursting through the trees on his mutated frog. Old reliable.

"Oh no, it's Doctor DORKamo again," Ben groaned. "Well, he's not much of a threat. More of a nuisance than anything."

"Well, then, get rid of him so we can continue our debate without more interruptions," said Kai impatiently.

"What debate?" Ben grunted. "All we're doing is yelling at each other, like a married couple."

"Ha ha, I know, how stupid, right?" Kai laughed.

"I know, right?" Ben laughed back. "That is such a dumb pairing the creators of the show would never want to force on us, right?"

"Will you two shut the fuck up and hold still, so I can kill you?" Doctor Animo snarled. "I put a shit load of deadly venom from all kinds of other venom wielding predators into my mutated frog's DNA this time, so when it licks you, if you touch it, you'll die!"

"Then how can you ride on it without dying yourself, Animo?" Ben asked, cocking his eyebrow. Hmmm, cocking.

Doctor Animo laughed. "Ha! I was prepared for that. You see, I've already given myself genetic immunity to venoms. So I don't even need to worry about the story making me get poisoned, fall off my frog, and shit my pants or something fucking dumb and humiliating! So there. NYAH, NYAH!" He gave both kids the finger. One on each hand. The middle ones. And I mean the sign.

"You're still an idiot," Ben told him, very smugly.

"I'm a GENIUS!" Doctor Animo screamed. "I'd prove it to you by showing you my Verities award...IF I HAD ONE!"

Ben transformed into the freakish yet popular Eye Guy. "EYE think you're going to get punched in the face a lot, by my FIST, Doc!"

"We'll see about that," Doctor Animo snapped. His frog tried to punch Eye Guy with its slimy tongue. Eye Guy saw it coming. Get it?

"You suck," Ben taunted. "I can see everything." But he didn't see a tree, and smashed right into it, proving the statement to be extremely false. "OW! MY EYE!"

"Which one?" Kai asked.

"ALL OF THEM!" Eye Guy screamed.

"Why don't you turn into something that can actually fight," Kai said, while looking bored and annoyed. She crossed her arms and sighed. She tapped her foot. "Oh, I know. Turn into Benwolf!"

"NO!" Eye Guy yelled, stumbling. He stumbled blindly and almost put his hands on Doctor Animo's frog. The frog tried to lick him in the eye, but he screamed and ran away at the last minute. "THAT'S DISGUSTING, man! Don't you DARE!"

"Turn into Benwolf," Kai began, "and I'll show you my boooooobs."

The Omnitrix timed out. Ben avoided Doctor Animo's frog until it warmed up again, smiling all the time. When it recharged, he dialed in Benwolf.

"Aaaaaw riiiight," Ben said, shortly before realizing something. "Hey, wait...you don't have any boobs!"

Kai jumped in and hugged Ben's cute and sexy wolf form. "Too late!"

"AWW, MAN," Benwolf ranted. "I got played."

"I never noticed how muscular that wolf form of yours was, Tennyson," Doctor Animo stated, with a disturbingly interested look on his face.

"Hands off, weirdo," Ben told him. He made the cross with his alien wolf fingers. Kai tried hugging him again. He backed away. "You too! No one touches the merchandise!"

"Baby got back," Kai said, and slapped his rear.

"Hey!" Ben snarled.

"Baby got front, too," Doctor Animo noted. His goggles did a good job of covering up his lecherous stare.

Ben did his best to cover up his crotch and chest with his hands. "Help! I'm being sexually harassed by FURRIES!" he exclaimed.

"I just want to pet you!" Doctor Animo yelled. He jumped on Ben's back.

"Me first! But I also want you to pet me," Kai said. She grabbed Benwolf's waist.

"IT'S CUDDLE TIME!" Doctor Animo yelled. He squeezed Benwolf with all his might. It wasn't much, but it was uncomfortable.

"AAAAAH!" Ben yelled. He fell to the ground. He tried to do a fireman roll to get rid of the annoying clingers. "NO MEANS NO! NO MEANS NO!"

Thankfully, by some grace of good fortune, the Omnitrix timed out, and Ben reverted back to his not as furry human form. Both Kai and Animo released him. They looked disgusted.

"EW!" they both said in unison while backing away from Ben.

"Both of you are jerks!" Ben cried at them. "You don't like me for me. You only like what I can be turned into." He burst into hysterical sobs.

"I don't like you at all, Tennyson," Doctor Animo responded. "I just have a lot of fur fetishes."

Kai kicked him in the balls. He groaned and fell down. The mutant frog just stood there, watching for flies. It wasn't very intelligent. With Doctor Animo distracted, it went to hopping around, chasing after its tiny dinner.

"I saved you, Ben," she said. She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I guess sometimes you're still cute when you're a human. But not much." She skipped away.

Ben panicked and wiped his cheek frantically. "Ew, gross! Girls are full of cooties and STDs and Satan's temptations!" he cried.

Suddenly, a portal opened, and a big white gorilla came out. "You know you two fuck each other in the future?" Doctor Animo's head in a big glass jar said while grinning.

Ben screamed.

"And your baby is really ugly," Animo's head said, this time laughing. "It looks like you!"

Ben screamed again. "Hey, wait. Fuck you!" He blinked for a moment. "Wait, is everyone in the future a head in glass jars, like in Futurama?"

"No," said future Animo. "Just me. I'm super elite like that."

"Hey, do I ever have to get my testicles replaced?" current Doctor Animo asked himself. He rubbed his aching crotch.

"No, not until you lose them completely when you explode my fucking body. I mean your body. I mean our body...I mean. Ah, fuck this time travel bullshit! Nothing makes sense anyway. Enjoy your shitty future, assholes!" the future Doctor Animo said before the portal closed.

He had thrown a bomb through the portal, which exploded shortly afterwards. What an asshole.

END?! Or TBC? Who knows. Who cares.


End file.
